God Made me Gay | Brandon Smee

I became gay in the dark,

I was but ten years, and in the night hour

I contemplated the stars

Like my own face in reflection

And wondered at their spanse and

The scope of their creator

Be silent, stand in awe

Yet, in the night hour I prayed

God to snuff

That flaming coal that lit my incense

And hallowed me with a dreadful fragrant strangeness

And God quivered over the waters, a heavy breath

And in the night hour I felt

The pang

White knuckles and the cry

And wished to God under the creature stars

To uncreate

Or turning to myself

Made a sanctuary in my solitude

And made myself unclean

With craving and illusion: A pantomime of love

Without faces

Without risk.

And God said

But, could you see the beauty I saw?

The stars disclosed their lustre

The silence yielded thought

With pulse and breath I uncovered desire

A muscled steed fast riding

To the ageless city

The eros of humanity and God,

And God said

The ancients said that love is three

And one at once that reaches down to us

And love should image

The eros of the reaching down

But in these last days

The Spirit blows on the people In one desirous embrace

And makes the many one

And God said

In the night hour

It was the same hour

Holding a lover

I blessed God who made the mystery

And draws us in desirous love

And makes stars

To be stars

And the hours

Each to hold their heat and light

And lovers but to love

And God said

You, my love,

May be as gay

As you need to be with me.