Coming out is when a person in the LGBTQ+ community tells others about their sexual orientation and/or gender identity. Someone who has not yet come out may be referred to as being “in the closet.” Even if someone is in the closet, they can still be proud of or secure in their sexuality and/or gender. Also, being in the closet does not mean that a person is lying about their identity—it just means that they have not (yet) chosen to invite others to share in the knowledge of that identity.

Although coming out is not necessary in order for someone’s identity to be valid, many people come out because they want to share an important part of their life with others. Other people come out because they want support, or because they don’t want to hide who they are. Reasons for coming out, as well as how one chooses to do so, can vary.

Some people come out to everyone at once, and some come out to close friends or family first. Often, queer people will need to come out multiple times over the course of their lives as they meet new people or enter new spaces. Coming out looks different for every person and situation, and there is no single right way to come out.

Plenty of resources, groups, and helplines are available to learn more about coming out, some of which are linked below.  

If you are thinking of coming out, congratulations! It is easy to get caught up in the fear of how people might react, but this can also be an exciting time. Even if there are some negative responses, it is still a wonderful thing to be fully yourself and share that with others. But don’t feel pressured to come out before you are ready! Whenever you come out, it should be a time you are comfortable with. You can also keep your identity to yourself, if you prefer, but if you do choose to come out, the way you do so is entirely up to you.

There are many details to consider when coming out. Who will you tell, and at what times? What kinds of questions do you think they will ask? Some questions could be uncomfortable, but you are not obligated to answer them, or indeed any questions. Share as much information as you want. If you anticipate certain questions or comments, it might be helpful to create your own FAQ to give people, write down what you want to say beforehand, or talk through various scenarios with a trusted friend.